Visitor in the garden

H aPPiness.

What is it to you?

To some people, it’s being in a relationship you feel truly blessed to be in, or spending a day at the beach with your friends, or even listening to a really great song. To me, happiness is my health. I’ve always been the happiest when I have been the healthiest.

When I was healthy, I had a smile that could light up a room, a vivacious attitude you couldn’t help but get along with, and a spark that I felt inside my body, like I was waking up after a long time of being asleep. I looked good, I felt great, life was perfect.

But as I got older, though the good times still occured, I became less healthy and it impacted my life completely. The more unhealthy and overweight I became, the less happy I felt. My smile faded, my once charming personality hid behind a wall of shame, and my ‘spark’ lost its flame. As cheesy as it sounds, that is exactly how I felt.

The further I spiraled out of control, the less familiar I became to myself and the people around me. That girl in the mirror, it wasn’t me. It looked nothing like me. This girl looked sad, tired, unwilling to change or improve, and no longer looked at life with optimism. A girl who would like nothing more than crawl into a hole and never come out… or at least go back in time, and reverse the unhealthy habits I had acquired over the past few years.

I longed to see the other girl in that mirror looking back at me once again, but everytime I tried to grasp her, it seemed she slipped further and further out of my reach. You don’t know true inner unhappiness until you have been as unhealthy as I was, in situations that you would otherwise feel excited, happy, or contentment. But I still felt it gnawing at me, no matter what I did, I couldn’t enjoy myself because I was unhealthy…. not to mention, 80 lbs overweight.

I had wasted so much time wishing I was thinner that it stopped me from actually doing what I needed to do to lose the weight.

by Experience Project snowbb

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